Texas Changes Law

As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas when a lawyer was shot by the Vice President, a new set of Hunting Regulations Regarding the Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks & Wildlife Commission.

Sec 370.01

Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

Sec 370.02

Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

Sec 370.03

Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies and vermin.

Sec 370.04

The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

Sec 370.05

It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

Sec 370.06

It is unlawful to shout, “WHIPLASH”, “AMBULANCE”, or “FREE SCOTCH” for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

Sec 370.07

It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoon.

Sec 370.08

It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels except on Saturday and Sunday.

Sec 370.09

If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap, bag, shoot or possess same. Use of any type killing device is legal including shotguns with the choke removed, high powered rifles, handguns of any caliber, all types and kinds of game traps and snares. Poisoning is prohibited because of the danger to rattlesnakes, coyotes, armadillos and skunks.

Sec 370.10

It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise such as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

Sec 370.11

Bag and Possession Limits per day:

Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4

Honest attorneys are protected under the Endangered Species Act and can normally be identified because they do not wear
Rolex watches, drive a Porsche, BMW or other expensive luxury automobile or wear $500 shoes and $1500 suits.

4 Comments on “Texas Changes Law

  1. How much will a Texas ‘out of state’ permit cost? Also, anyone know the season, or is it all year long? Is there a similar hunting season for liberals?

  2. Yeeah, its funny until some sourpuss lawyer comes along and sues you for slander or defamation of character. Many of them have trouble shooting straight, and frequently pepper the wrong target. Its expected of the profession! Poor lawyers, glad I don’t know any.

  3. Dear Mr. Fuzzie:

    Our firm represents a large group of concerned citizens in the Great State of Texas. It has come to our attention that you have taken the irresponsible liberty of causing a satoric rendition of the Texas Game Code to be published on your website. Our clients are good natured and exhibit a “thick skin” concerning the public perception of lawyers. However, the misguided light in which you have cast the Texas Bar and the Game Board is irresponsible beyond contemplation.

    As a host of a publicly accessible website, you have accepted the duty of establishing the veracity of your statements. Likewise, you have exposed yourself to any and all liabilty that may result from the public viewing your rendition of the Texas Game Code and believing that it is now “legal” to assault attorneys. Accordingly, I must demand that you cease and desist in this campaign of public disinformation.

    You must remember that Texans are not the sharpest knives in the drawer when it comes to truth, perception and reality. We thought you might have learned that in 2000 and 2004, and even more recently with the primary election of Representative DeLay.

    Best regards,

    Duck N. Cover, Esq.

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